After nearly a decade of working with young people in a church setting, I have noticed a consistent awkwardness around youth and the practice of prayer. In a session of “let’s be honest about how you really feel” with some eighth-grade students over dinner, I asked what was really going on in their heads during a larger prayer gathering at youth group.
Their candid responses were not surprising: “Am I supposed to say Dear God, or is it Holy Lord, or Dear Jesus?” “What if I get it wrong? And what was I supposed to pray for again?” “Is it Ay-men or Ah-men?” “I’m not good at this; I don’t know those inspirational pastor-y words.”
That said, the students did fully acknowledge the benefits of out-loud prayer. For many, it was good to hear requests from one another and to join as a community over common petitions and praises. But, by and large, they felt self-conscious and admitted that they were not aware of being in the presence of God in the moment. Yet isn’t a connection with God exactly what we seek after for the students to whom we minister? It struck me in that moment that something wasn’t quite working.
If connecting students with God is what we’re after, shouldn’t we be forming them through practices that contribute to that goal? Learning to take ourselves out of the center of prayer takes practice. Even Jesus speaks to the problem before giving us the Lord’s Prayer. He warns his followers in Matthew 6:5-8 about the temptation to put ourselves first in prayer, be it through showy eloquence or babbling words. The challenge we face as youth workers is simply this: How do we train young people to live out this teaching in everyday practice?
Phileena Heuertz, author of “Becoming a Contemplative Activist,” suggests that prayer and, more specifically, contemplative prayer is “a practice of letting go of our egos and surrendering to the presence of God.” As I digest her thoughts on the intersection of social activism and the practice of contemplative prayer, I can’t help but wonder, what role can contemplative prayer have in my youth ministry? Even if our lives don’t confront the direct issues of global injustice on a daily basis, I suggest that contemplative prayer has a valuable place in the world of youth ministry. As Heuertz explores the practice through the social activism lens, I recognize that it is a discipline that is also applicable to the context of young people. I believe contemplative practices are not beyond our youth and can actually help inform their approach to authentic encounters with God through various models of prayer.
In my experience, guiding students in a time of contemplative prayer has proved successful. Rather than beginning with a large chunk of mandated silence, we have walked young people through different forms of breath prayers. Providing a simple structure for reading the Scriptures using Lectio Divina exercises has been notably helpful for youth. Additionally, through the repetition and framing of a contemplative time, students have offered a steady stream of testimonies about feeling God in a new way, authentically meaning what they say in prayer and allowing space for listening as well.
Practicing the Practice
As I reflect on the past several years, I’m amazed at how many different types of prayers we’ve employed. The arsenal of prayer forms for youth group has often included looking for volunteers, popcorn style, pray silently to yourself and everybody’s favorite, pray for the person on your left (eeek! what was his name again?). Rather than just adding contemplative prayer to the youth-group-prayer Rolodex, we need to consider how we can use its intentionality to inform the ways we lead students in all types of prayer. In order to do that effectively, we must frame contemplation as an invitation for encountering God, recognize its challenges and model it ourselves.
Heuertz suggests that we all operate out of our neediness and that contemplation brings about self-awareness. I would emphasize, however, that the practice of contemplative prayer should focus on the invitation to encounter God rather than the expectation of an experience that we might get out of it. As we introduce this discipline to our young people, we need to highlight the freedom found in the quiet spaces so they might encounter God. It should be set up in a way that during the prayer our youth aren’t thinking, What is supposed to be happening? I must not be doing this right.
Stillness is not always the easiest thing for youth to embrace. One of the most valuable things my mentor in youth ministry taught me was how to eliminate (or at least cut down on) distractions in a room before youth group. We would walk into what I thought was a well-prepared empty room, and her eyes would scan the perimeter and zero in on numerous distraction hazards. A random string hanging from a ceiling tile that had the potential to become a Tarzan rope, a music stand cart hastily stashed in the corner that was sure to turn into a stitches-inducing race car and so on. Eliminating distractions from a room is far easier than eliminating distractions from our minds, but just as I learned the skill of room preparation through practice, we can learn (and teach our youth) to prepare their minds and hearts for stillness.
If we truly believe there is value for our students to think and pray in contemplative ways, we must participate in these practices as well. As I’ve considered Heuertz’s reflections on contemplation, I’ve been wondering how we as youth workers can surrender our own egos as we pray with, before and for our youth. As I consider the times I pray in front of young people, I question where those “inspirational, pastor-y” words sneak in, what my real motivation is for using them and maybe even why I’m praying in the first place. In praying for students, retreats, mission trips and weekly programs, am I babbling for the sake of words instead of bringing those things before God in a way that I can truly encounter him? Are there other ways our own contemplative practices can inform the ways we teach, model and participate with our youth?
Contemplative prayer is a practice that is not without its challenges, but as Heuertz suggests, it can make us “more receptive to the gifts and ordeals that come [our] way, rooted in a deep well of faith and love.” Perhaps youth ministry is exactly the right place to consider adopting the discipline of contemplation.
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