Immerse | A Journal of Faith, Life, and Youth Ministry

I couldn’t agree with you more Ali!  A couple of years ago when I was covering the interim period for our youth ministry our youth were very connected with one particular older couple.  It was awesome to watch those relationships.  I see a few things that get in people’s minds that make this connectedness (that’s my created word of the day) a hindrance.  First I hear the argument ‘I’ve been there and done that’ meaning they helped with the youth when they were parents so they’ve done their time.  Second I hear, ‘I just don’t have the energy to keep up with teenagers’, like I was expecting them to go out and play a game of bball with them.  And I think that our churches also create a barrier.  Now that a lot of churches have ‘staff’ to lead the children and youth ministries they assume that this person can take care of the needs.  Our kids need to feel accepted and loved by the church.  They need to walk down the hallway and have people   give them High 5′s, and ask them about their lives  They need to feel valued.  Vice versa I see the older adults brighten up with huge smiles on their faces when a child or teenager welcomes them.  I have long been an advocate of more intergenerational activities at the church and believe it or not it’s mostly the older adults that push back at this pursuit. Thanks for the enthusiasm on this subject!

Lisa,
Thank you so much for your insightful comment! I agree with you that there are many other barriers to address in regards to this issue and am glad that you brought some up for discussion. I’m especially glad that you spoke to the other side of this issue (the older adults pushing back). You’ve brought up a lot of food for thought, but here are some initial thoughts of mine.
I think for many adults, there is a common misconception that youth ministry is all about having fun together. They automatically think of lock-ins, trips to Worlds of Fun and water fights. Youth ministry often has a PR problem, especially since our big events are often those we publicize most. To be perfectly honest, when I was approached about being a youth pastor, I had the same first reaction. But some of that was because I didn’t understand teenagers’ potential, the vision or the job description. It only took one coffee date for me to completely change my mind.
To get over this hurdle, I think it is important to caste a wider view for our congregations and especially for those we are inviting to be a part of our ministry. It is important to have enough time with people to be able to describe the students, the goals of our ministry and more fully what the role is that we envision for them. I know many adults who would say no to being a chaperone at the lock-in, but who have a passion for mentoring people and would make great small group leaders, Confirmation sponsors or teachers. I think the trick is to find out where their gifting and our need meet. Too often we invite people into one generic leadership role instead of inviting them into specific roles that fit who they are and what they are passionate about. When people say that they’ve “done their time,” it might convey that they were ill-suited for the role they were in.
And of course, there is always the remote possibility that youth ministry isn’t a good fit for everyone… However, every student is unique with a unique personality and interests and therefore we need all kinds of adults involved for them to connect with.
Thanks for being an advocate for intergenerational ministry. Your church is fortunate to have you! Keep up the good work!
~Ali

Ali, way to go!  Trying to connect the generations in the context of the local church is a challenge.  We have worked so hard to age-segment our ministries over the past 50 years that we’ve slowly shot ourselves in the foot when it comes to the transference of life and faith from one generation to the next.  So many of our teens see the corporate worship service as something for adults and the student ministry as “their church.”  This should not be.  We not only need to attract more older adults into our student ministries, but we need to push our student ministries into the overall life of the church.  We have much to teach each other and we all lose when we segment ourselves from one another.  This generational connectedness is one of the important connections that can help lead to sticky faith (see – http://stickyfaith.org/).

Thanks Alan! I agree about the need to un-segment the age groups in church life. Thanks for pointing out that it is not enough to get older adults involved in our youth ministries if we do not get our teens involved in the greater church life. 
It is obvious that this separation leads to our teens feeling isolated and unsure how to plug into a church when they graduate from high school. It seems that with this issue, we have (with the best intentions) swung the pendulum too far in an effort to address age-specific needs and created different problems than we had 50 years ago. I think there is a way to do some course correction, but only with intentionality on the part of youth leaders, other church leaders and congregations.
Thanks for sharing the website with us! There are some great resources there. I think they’re easier to get to at http://fulleryouthinstitute.org/intergenerational-ministry/.

I am a youth pastor in Alaska where I would say that culturally, we are “behind” (for the better) the cultural shifts of you guys down there in the lower 48.  Many of the students I work with though either come from, or their parents came from, a different culture in a very different place in the villages of Western Alaska.  In the Eskimo cultures elders are deeply respected and they were traditionally the source of wisdom in the community.  The wisdom was traditionally passed down orally in the context of relationships.  This is why we’re making a push here to really focus on mentoring relationships and intentionally putting youth back in touch with their elders (even if they aren’t the elderly per se).  As we continue to “catch up” with the rest of the world though, I see the youth culture pulling away and that is the part of the gap that is the hardest part to bridge.  It’s not too hard to find good mentors, but convincing my students that they want or need a mentor is a much bigger mountain to climb… anyhow… thanks for the article.

Thank you for sharing! The elder concept is such a wonderful model for this sort of intergenerational ministry. People who have been following God for decades and through many cultural changes have much wisdom to pass on. Sometimes teens want to figure out life for themselves. However, similar to what you said, it is up to us to show them that mentors are one way God guides and leads throughout one’s life.

Hi, Al!
I was amening all the way through your post, but in my book, “The Orphaned Generation,” when faced with the question, “Why is it, then, that the elderly are not youth ministry’s biggest pool of volunteers?” my answer is a bit different. I argue that the adult church needs a renewing of their hearts and minds from a cultural view of young people as -Animals, (“You’d need a bullwhip to corral that pack of kids into Sunday school”) 
Aliens, (“Where I come from, we know how to behave; These kids are from a different culture.”) and
Closed Spaces. (I’m trying to get “inside” my son’s head but he wants me “out” of his way, “out” of his life and “out” his business.)
If we see them as animals, aliens and closed spaces, then as adults we tend to be afraid of them. However, if we see them as spiritual orphans (those young people inside the church have largely been separated from the adult church and those outside the Church are separated from their Heavenly Father,) then our fear drops, our compassion rises and we feel bad if we don’t move toward them, even if we haven’t experienced gerotranscendence. 
Plus our cultural media has primed this generation that the Orphan (Luke Skywalker, Frodo, Hary Potter, Batman, Spiderman, Superman, Neo and on and on and on) can become a hero with the help of a wiser, older guide (obiwan/Yoda, Gandalf, Hagrid/Dumbledore, Alfred, The Kents, Aunt May, Morpheus and on and on.) This generation hopes for an Obiwan to come to them and connect them to a power, an identity  a community and a destiny, just like Jesus did for Simon, and just like the adults in the church can do for the young people around them.
Perhaps the ageism you describe is the result of our unwillingness to demonstrate the love of Christ with our lives by moving toward young people in the same way that Jesus moved toward Peter and said, “Follow me.” Call it ageism if you must, but I’d be pretty grumpy if an older person had wisdom, faith and salvation and yet refused to share it with me too.
Thanks for letting me respond and I’d love to hear what you think of the rest of my book. You can find it on Amazon or at scottwilcher.com  Let’s keep talking. I like the way you think. 

Scott,I’m so glad you shared your thoughts with us! Like Lisa, you bring out good insight when looking at this issue from the other side. I agree that as adults it is often easy to stereotype teens and think your argument for re-labeling them as “orphans” has merit. I’ve never thought about the widespread use of orphan characters in our media (though they do fit well as underdogs) and their respective mentors. I think all of us connect to the feeling that we are in some way on our own, and isolation is a very common feeling for all adolescents. Therefore, I agree with you that it is vital that adults come alongside teens to remind them that they are not alone, but that God is an ever-present reality in their lives.
While this new way of looking at teens as orphans can help to overcome negative labeling and its effects, I wonder if it would be helpful to push it very far or use it very often. Any group generalization has negative effects (even if it is trying to correct a more harmful generalization). The only way for stereotypes to finally be overcome is for people to actually get to know individual members of the stereotyped group.
Thanks again,
Ali

Ali,

Thanks for your thoughful response! And I fully receive your caution about lableling. The fun part about the orphan image is when we move toward them with a spirit of adoption, which is reflective of God’s heart for us,  they are no longer “orphans.” They become “sons” and “daughters” in the faith… Part of the family, or potentially so.

Also, my end goal is NOT to renew the way we linguistically label young people. I’m trying to change the way the adult church cognitively perceives them on a conceptual level, which invariably will change their behavior. Perhaps, more importantly than the orphan image is the image we use to conceptualize
ourselves and our roles in the lives of young people. You can tell adults all day long: “Reach out to young
people.” and they’ll want to! But few will, until their minds are
renewed regarding their role and identity in the family of God.  However, much of the book hinges on our perception of the Gospel, my favorite part!  I argue that our perception of the Gospel as  “God sent Jesus to make a bridge across the chasm of sin so we can now go to God” needs replacing with “Jesus was God, and God humbled himself and came to us and took our place in sin and death. and in his resurrection, calls us to go into all the world with the same attitude of humility and oneness with the Father and with each other.” Therefore, with that perception of the Gospel, the adult church cannot sit and hope young people come and join the church or attend their programs. We have to move toward them and let our lives be a reflection of the movement of Christ to us.  So the orphan image is only intended to reduce the fear and raise the compassion of the adults for young people,( though I think the imitation of Christ is far more terrifying than a “pack” of teenagers.)

It’s been a blessing to see how older members respond to the overall message. Usually they just cry for a bit and then take a young person to lunch after church. It’s a start.

Scott

Scott,
It is definitely true that as you say changing “the way the adult church cognitively perceives them on a conceptual level” is a way to change behavior. The way people think does dictate the way they behave (which sounds obvious, but is often an ignored truth and is also why theology is so important).  I also like what you said about reducing fear and raising compassion, and a compelling metaphor is a great way to accomplish that goal!
Thanks for sharing with us your ideas and experiences!
~Ali

I think adolescents share something really valuable with older generations – the willingness to take risks. The middle stage of life is consumed with just paying the bills and daily routine, whereas the young and old have way more time to dream and try new things. Because of this I think the church needs to adopt mentoring as a necessary part of Christian discipleship.

It feels so good to hear someone address this issue of ageism.  The sad thing is that the Church has incorporated the culture of the world in making idols out of youth, consumerism andmaterialism.  Particularly is this true in the music-shift that is gradually making great musical works of arts, totally de-valued.  What this will do to music is very clear; and tragically, the same extinction will take place in the lives of older people as well. Instant gratification seems to be the road the Church is choosing to follow, believing this will entice youth.  I personall believe this will not work.  Eveyone wants a real challenge in their lives, and a commitment to something greater than themselves.  However,with the youth now Leading the elders,the chance of this happening seems unlikely to happen.   Something needs to be done to show the value of every person regardless of age.  If the Church does not believe in this, then who will?

 Dear Mary,

I am your brother in Christ and so I respond here with the intent of being humble and loving. If you are able to read into it a tone that reflects something else, something less than that, I have failed horribly. That said, I read your post with mixed feelings. I agree that “Eveyone wants a real challenge in their lives, and a commitment to something greater than themselves.” A hearty amen to that! However, I struggled with other parts of your post for a few reasons. First, in my experience in working with young people over the last 30 years, music is not the central issue at all. Today’s young people typically appreciate music of all kinds, including hymns, and wouldn’t devalue great works of art, but they will press back against those who demand that it is the only music that God wants to hear. (And I  do not hear you saying that at all.) 

Secondly, if youth are leading the elders, then the elders need to step up. If a church has idolized their young people, they need to repent, but I beg you to not think of young people as the enemy of the Church or those that would lead to the downfall of the Church. I argue that young people are feeling abandoned by the adults in their lives. Our efforts to provide them with separate classes, separate communities
and separate services has left them separated relationally from the
adult church. No wonder they wander off after graduation! They don’t
know the adults in the church. Or they do, but they don’t feel wanted by
them.  If we can see them as orphans who need us to adopt them and pass the heritage of the faith on to them, then we can more easily respond without fear and with compassion.

I guess what troubled me with your post was it seemed to me that you, as an adult, felt threatened by young people’s engagement with the Church.  The older people who care the most about the church sometimes feel
compelled to protect it from change, or from irreverence. I understand. But If we scold young people and shame them or try to fix them, we will lose them to the world. Jesus didn’t stay on high and hide behind his authority yelling at us to stop running in the halls or
take off our hats; He came down to us and said, “Follow me.” He invites
us to walk with Him. Part of what I call for in my book is for the Old Guard to become the Wise Guides for young people, to invite them to “follow me.” It’s working! The generations are getting connected in exciting ways.  

Mary, as I see it, our goal is not to protect the church, but to reflect that humility and love of Christ to the young and old alike. Sure, it’s easier to pass them off to a youth pastor or tell them they have a speck in their eye as they pass in the hall, and much harder to see them not as a troubled generation, but as individuals who need wise guides like you in their lives, but you said it well—  
“Eveyone wants a real challenge in their lives, and a commitment to
something greater than themselves.” Will we be the ones to accept the challenge on the church to become the intentionally adoptive family of God that raises up a generation of orphans to be men and women of God?  I pray so. For all our sakes, I pray so.

Warmly,
Your brother in Christ
Rev. Scott Wilcher