Immerse | A Journal of Faith, Life, and Youth Ministry

Helping Parents Open Their Eyes

by John Byrne on September 1st, 2011 -- filed under

Recently I took my family to the movie Cars 2. While the movie was wildly entertaining, it left me with some parenting and deprogramming to do afterward. As we left, the ensuing conversation with my children was of the utmost importance. It was not a conversation about how entertaining the movie was; it was about the political and worldview messages being sent to my 5-year-old boy and my 12-year-old daughter. It is partly my experience as a youth pastor that has helped me to be a parent myself. Though my job description is focused on people between the ages of 12 and 25, I have realized that the parents are much more significant in the lives of these students than I will ever be. So how can a youth pastor or youth worker help parents parent?

As an eternal optimist, I always want to believe there is something I can do to help each and every parent think well and think biblically about parenting. The realist in me knows that one of the tragedies of youth ministry is that we will witness significant, even huge, numbers of parents that will not engage in the spiritual lives of their students.

In an ideal world, family would be one of the core values of the church, and as such, there would be a push from the top down to help parents engage. In reality, many churches say they value family, but what they mean is that they have a program for every age group. That is a consumerist approach to family more than actually valuing the family. Most of us do not serve in ideal situations, so we must make the best of the situations we find ourselves in. Here are some things I have found to be beneficial:

• Tell parents what you are teaching.

This seems so obvious, but it is often overlooked. As a parent myself, I want to know what my daughter learns at youth group. Not only do I want to know, I want to talk to her about what she is learning, how God is challenging her, and why those things matter. There are tons of ways for youth pastors to do this; most often I have used some sort of email or e-newsletter.

• Put together a family devotions tool kit.

This can be simple or extravagant, depending on how much time you have. Here is an outline I have put together. We have encouraged parents who are young in the faith to start with children’s Bibles, reading a Bible story with the family every night or even just a few times a week.

• Communicate with your senior pastor.

Senior pastors have a lot on their plates, and even though we think students and parenting are the most important issues, they aren’t. The most important would be the gospel, and after that comes a whole host of other issues. Because of this, senior pastors can easily overlook opportunities to address parenting from the pulpit, in small groups, or perhaps in their own writings on blogs or in newsletters. If you tell them what you are seeing and remind them of the importance of this issue on a regular but not annoying basis, they will likely respond at the right time.

• Provide resources.

There are tons of resources out there for parents, but most parents won’t go looking for them. If, however, they are face to face with them, they may decide to use them. There are articles, blogs, magazines, podcasts, and more. One of the ways I have done this is through our e-newsletter. Another way is to provide a parenting seminar. Last, there is curriculum for small groups or Sunday school classes.

Maybe you have done some things in your context that have helped parents open their eyes to the role they play in the spiritual lives of their students, or maybe you are a parent with some insight. This would be a great place to share.

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